Thursday, June 13, 2013

Strip Incan Gold

I’ve written before about my immense love of Incan Gold, I truly think it’s one of the best quick play games around. Well, I’ve decided to take my love of it to a new level. A risqué, adult level. I’ve created some rules for Strip Incan Gold, which is bound to be a huge hit with gamers who like to mix some real world excitement and nudity with their board games.

The Setup: You are a member of a group of archeologists, exploring a series of Incan ruins in what is now modern day Peru. Legends exist of massive temples filled with long abandoned stone passages containing gems haphazardly left in piles on the ground. Unfortunately, your exploration of the tunnels has also awakened Iitsatitti, the decadent Incan god of lust! Iitsatitti demands tribute from each person who seeks to plunder his riches! Are you brave enough to bare all and search for untold riches? Or will you seek the cover and shelter of your tented camp?

Gameplay: Strip Incan Gold follows the same basic gameplay as the actual Incan Gold, however there are several differences that result in a much more enjoyable and adult game. Due to the awakened prescence of Iitsatitti each player is forced to pay tribute to the god at the end of each of the five rounds of exploration. And there are only two things that can appease the god’s hunger: gems and clothing. When each round ends every player is required to pay a fixed amount of earned gems to Iitsatitti (the gems can just go back into the pot). At the end of rounds one and two, each player must pay five gems. After rounds three, four, and five the tribute is ten gems.

What’s that? You don’t have enough gems stashed under your little tent? Haha (that’s Iitsatitti howling with delight)! Any player unable to pay the tribute must instead remove a piece of clothing and pay that to the lust god as an offering to his insatiable appetite for flesh. An article of clothing is worth five gems. In the later rounds it is possible that a player must pay multiple articles of clothing to appease the increasingly perverted and aroused god. A player is not required to pay gems, they can choose to instead sacrifice clothing even if they could otherwise afford the tribute. It is a good practice for each player to start with the same amount of articles of clothing. At the end of the fifth round the player with the most gems remaining is declared the winner! Strip Incan Gold is best played over several games in succession. If that’s the case, the winner should get to take back a piece of clothing as a reward.

The five treasure cards in Strip Incan Gold are acquired in the same manner as in the regular game, however rather than having a value in gems each one instead confers some sort of special effect on the owner. Each treasure is usable only once. For a more exciting game shuffle all five treasures into the deck at the beginning of the game instead of adding one each turn.
“Trip Nip”- Every player other than the owner of Trip Nip must show their nipples to the other players. If you are already topless, you must deliberately point them at the owner of Trip Nip.
That Painful Looking Necklace- The necklace can be used at any time to recover a piece of clothing that has been donated to Iitsatitti. No one likes this necklace.  

The Cup- The owner of the cup may take five gems from any other player at any time. Sucks for them.  

Weird Block Man- The strange block man can be given to Iitsatitti as sufficient tribute at the end of any round. No one knows what he does with the Weird Block Man, but he seems to be real into it.

One Headed Man- The owner of the One Handed Man can force all of the other players to get up and walk around the table at any time. What a creep, that One Headed Man.

Variants: It is easy to adjust Strip Incan Gold to suit the needs of your game playing group. For a more conservative game, decrease the value of the tribute paid each round. Likewise, for a sleazier game increase the value of the tribute to near impossible levels and everyone will be completely nude within a matter of minutes. The above rules are designed for a game of four players. For proper game balance you should adjust the tribute levels to fit the number of players. For fewer players increase the tribute, and decrease it for larger groups.

Monday, June 10, 2013

We Hardly Knew Ye: Laughing Skull

(One in a series about adventurers who were better off staying at home.)  
Who was he? Laughing Skull was the last member of his barbarian tribe, the rest of his clan was wiped out by a gang of marauding slavers. Left with no connection to his homeland, Laughing Skull wandered off in search of adventure and excitement. And maybe some revenge. Alone in the woods, he came across a pissed off owlbear and prepared to battle it in the way of his people. It probably would have worked out pretty poorly for him if not for the group of adventurers who just so happened to be cutting through that section of the wilderness. Though strangers, they fought together and the mighty owlbear was slain! A trusty alliance was formed and Laughing Skull traveled with his new companions to the slaver stronghold city of Klausberg.

In a relatively short time Laughing Skull adopted to the ways of the city, changing his appearance and his name (to Dirge) and even his skill set (he took a level in Rogue). He was remaking himself as a new man with a new future. That future wound up being bleak and short.   
What happened? The Leap Attack/Power Attack combo is truly one of the most fearsome moves in the toolbox of the martial combatant. Unfortunately for Laughing Skull he was on the receiving end of it, rather than the deliverer. While attempting to forcibly board a ship with his party, Laughing Skull was sliced in half by the fiendish orc slaver warlord Shabazz Spine-Splitter. Shabazz was taken out by his friends, but it was far too late for poor Laughing Skull. Laughing Skull was a little banged up before getting into this combat, but even if he was at full hit points I’m not sure that it would have made a difference.

The bigger lesson here is that a decent battle plan is required before heading into a serious combat. Players can sort of coast through a lot of combat, but some fights require some advance planning from the PC’s to tilt the odds in their favor. This was one of those combats. Shabazz was painted as a pretty formidable warrior and they had been hearing about him for a couple of adventurers. (That’s DM code language for a tough battle.) The two sides in the combat were fairly closely matched, so it makes sense that there would be some casualties for each group.